Something weird happened today.. Some people call it deja vu.. Others call it Premonition.. Whatever you call it.. I just went through it again.. 1st time was a soccer game & I knew the score before the game even started & the exact time the goal will be scored.. 2nd time was a stock I followed.. I saw the future price and did not act on it thinking it was just a dream.. 3rd time was my old work place where I've never been there before.. but I had this vivid image of the ceiling.. Of course.. I got the job later and looked at the ceiling to realize it was the same thing as my dream.. This time.. I went online to search for "time capsules online" to see if there is a program or website that can mimic a time capsule and send off a message to people 10 years later.. This is exactly what I did in the dream.. Not sure why that is.. but just sounds weird.. As I went through searching for this time capsule online.. I started thinking what kind of message it would turn out to be..
I never had this feeling before.. but I get the sense that I am going through a very thorough analysis of my life.. the past few years.. and the decision that will most likely shape my future.. I am nit-picking the wrongs that have happened.. the wrong decisions in retrospect.. the thought of looking myself in the mirror and thinking what went wrong.. The pressure of making the "right" choice at this moment is quite possibly a little too overwhelming to handle.. I am slowly succumbing to this pressure and doing things I normally will not do.. Ask others for advice while revealing my weakness.. After University graduation.. I definitely did not see myself being in this position after 5 years.. It has been a rough 5 years to say the least... Totally feel like I m letting my potential slip away and wasting it due to many bad decisions 1 after the other.. A friend I've known for almost an eternity said she knew all along I would have this problem eventually due to my indecisiveness.. Another friend said to get out of my comfort zone and do things I never did before.. The weird part of their observation is.. I am not actually what they see.. I am not as indecisive as most make me out to be.. I just have to 顧慮 more than they think.. & I know my indecision so far stems from past failures.. 一子錯滿盤皆落索.. Right or Wrong.. I don't know if my decision will be correct.. the unknown is what pains me to make a choice of this magnitude.. Looking back.. I have made many wrong moves yet I haven't "lost" the game.. so I guess I am still in the game.. Just a tougher road to take.. Need to make smart and correct choices now to turn the game around.. But that brings us back to which one is correct?.. A lot of successful business people and entrepreneurs actually made many mistakes before their fame.. It is this that separates them from the worker bees.. Ability to consistently make mistakes and move on.. I haven't gotten to the stage.. I am too much of a realist to no for every Steve Jobs.. there r thousands if not millions that failed before and after him.. If entrepreneurship is that easy.. there won't be any worker bees out there.. All along.. I have said I'm too comfortable in Calgary.. Doesn't feel like home and I need some life experiences (getting out of your comfort zone).. The choice should be clear.. I know my decision is clear as well.. What is unclear is the future path and if this is the "right" path.. Obviously I m trying to answer an unanswerable question.. Leading to this loop of thought..
